my musing for today:
I'm counting down the days. Two years ago I was counting down the days until my graduation from graduate school, the subsequent celebratory cruise, and my departure to my new life in Japan. Now I'm counting down the days until our next hello and goodbye, my last travels in Asia, and my return home to another new life.
How ponderous a feeling to anticipate and dread something at the same time...
24 April 2013
17 April 2013
be my person
my musing for today:
I've been watching Grey's Anatomy for what seems like forever. I've been on board since the second season and we're up to season 9 now. Early on it was established that the title character, Meredith Grey and her best friend Christina Yang are each others 'person.' I don't know if labeling someone as your 'person' was a thing before GA, but it definitely is now. Of course people had 'persons', but did they think of them in those terms? Anyways, I read an article detailing what makes someone your 'person' and I liked some of their points. It's that person you can say anything to, do anything with, would do anything for, and under no circumstance would you ever not be in each others lives permanently.Are you starting to think about your person? If you even have a person that fits that description?
But an interesting thing happened a few seasons ago. Once these two besties were certain they had found their significant others (SO), being each others person became a bit of a touchy subject. The SO in these relationships needed to feel like the besties were their person and vice versa, but the besties already had a person -each other! I guess it would defeat the purpose of having a person if you were going to allow a few people to be your person and so they each had moments when they realized their SO had become their person. Is there pressure for your SO to automatically be your person? I guess this would be all be easier if you just called people what they are - best friend, boyfriend, cousin, whatever it is - but I've come to appreciate the roles people have in your life and I like the idea of there being 'that person.' For most people going to be your SO, but if it's not, I think that's okay too.
In another show I love, Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw calls her three best friends her 'soul mates.' They are people in her life who have transcended the levels of friends, family, and lovers. They could arguably be called her 'persons' as well, but a) the word implies that there is only one which is kind of what I was hinting at above and b) also going along with my earlier thought, being someone's person might not have been the way to term this kind of relationship before GA came along. Personally, I don't consider a person who you are not romantically involved with to be your soul mate, but maybe I just need to expand my horizons a bit more. Or maybe, SATC would have worded it differently if they had the term to begin with..
Your person, your best friend, your soul mate. Based on how you define these things or want to define these things, you can either have one of each or one for all.
I've been watching Grey's Anatomy for what seems like forever. I've been on board since the second season and we're up to season 9 now. Early on it was established that the title character, Meredith Grey and her best friend Christina Yang are each others 'person.' I don't know if labeling someone as your 'person' was a thing before GA, but it definitely is now. Of course people had 'persons', but did they think of them in those terms? Anyways, I read an article detailing what makes someone your 'person' and I liked some of their points. It's that person you can say anything to, do anything with, would do anything for, and under no circumstance would you ever not be in each others lives permanently.Are you starting to think about your person? If you even have a person that fits that description?
But an interesting thing happened a few seasons ago. Once these two besties were certain they had found their significant others (SO), being each others person became a bit of a touchy subject. The SO in these relationships needed to feel like the besties were their person and vice versa, but the besties already had a person -each other! I guess it would defeat the purpose of having a person if you were going to allow a few people to be your person and so they each had moments when they realized their SO had become their person. Is there pressure for your SO to automatically be your person? I guess this would be all be easier if you just called people what they are - best friend, boyfriend, cousin, whatever it is - but I've come to appreciate the roles people have in your life and I like the idea of there being 'that person.' For most people going to be your SO, but if it's not, I think that's okay too.
In another show I love, Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw calls her three best friends her 'soul mates.' They are people in her life who have transcended the levels of friends, family, and lovers. They could arguably be called her 'persons' as well, but a) the word implies that there is only one which is kind of what I was hinting at above and b) also going along with my earlier thought, being someone's person might not have been the way to term this kind of relationship before GA came along. Personally, I don't consider a person who you are not romantically involved with to be your soul mate, but maybe I just need to expand my horizons a bit more. Or maybe, SATC would have worded it differently if they had the term to begin with..
Your person, your best friend, your soul mate. Based on how you define these things or want to define these things, you can either have one of each or one for all.
14 April 2013
emotional cheating is cheating. period.
my musing for today:
I came across the excerpt below while reading this article about the 10 essentials for any good relationship.
I've known this for years. I really thought it was common sense until an idiot I knew told her boyfriend that she hadn't actually cheated on him when she did exactly this to him. How do I know? Because she did it with my boyfriend. And to this day she shouts from the corners of social media how 'un-sorry' she is for the emotional beating she gave everyone involved (real mature, right?). I scoff at the notion that she thinks she has a good relationship with this guy she cheated on when she won't even acknowledge it as such. You can recover from this kind of damage to a relationship but only if you first acknowledge what actually happened. If not, all the rebuilding of trust and intimacy is built on hollow ground and is basically a farce. And like this excerpt states, emotional cheating is even harder to come back from, so she is woefully wrong to think how solid and good her relationship is. Given her grand state of self delusion though, she will probably live out her life this way no problem, which means the real person who should realize this and get out is the boyfriend she cheated on.
In the end, this wasn't a musing of mine so much as a rant, but what I am musing about is that everyone should accept that emotional cheating is just as real as physical cheating is. Then, like the excerpt says, have the decency of breaking up with current partners first. In my experience, neither cheating party was decent enough to do this, but what makes her so detestable as a person still is:
She never acknowledged that it was cheating
She spread false rumors about me afterwards
She tried to turn mutual friends against me
She hasn't gained the slightest bit of maturity enough to be sorry and take responsibility for her actions which is why years later I still have to hear about how 'not sorry' she is.
So if I'm going to properly muse, there can be life in a relationship after cheating. People who cheat are not condemned for life IF they can acknowledge what they did and be truly sorry for it. We all make mistakes, but it's how you handle those mistakes that show who you are as a person. At the very least, if you're maturing and growing as a person (which tends to happens after 5 freakin years), you should be able to look back at things as see them more clearly, more objectively, more honestly. The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. The sooner you start this process the better, so be an adult and mature already.
I came across the excerpt below while reading this article about the 10 essentials for any good relationship.
"5. An understanding that cheating can be emotional as well as physical.
Spoiler alert: You don’t actually have to touch genitals to have cheated on someone and/or betrayed their trust. If you are having deep, personal, romantic conversations with someone behind your partner’s back, if you are still harboring feelings for someone else, if you are seriously considering other possibilities while still completely attached to your current flame — you are being an asshole and should stop it. It’s insane how many people don’t acknowledge the myriad ways that someone can be cheated on that don’t actually involve sex. Do you really think that your partner finding out that you’ve been exchanging passionate emails with an ex is going to be that much less destructive than having slept with someone else? I mean, in many cases, knowing that there were actual feelings involved make it all the worse, as it can’t just be brushed off as a drunken mistake. Let’s at least provide each other the decency of breaking up with our partners before engaging in Nicholas Sparks-esque gchats with the cute girl from work."I've known this for years. I really thought it was common sense until an idiot I knew told her boyfriend that she hadn't actually cheated on him when she did exactly this to him. How do I know? Because she did it with my boyfriend. And to this day she shouts from the corners of social media how 'un-sorry' she is for the emotional beating she gave everyone involved (real mature, right?). I scoff at the notion that she thinks she has a good relationship with this guy she cheated on when she won't even acknowledge it as such. You can recover from this kind of damage to a relationship but only if you first acknowledge what actually happened. If not, all the rebuilding of trust and intimacy is built on hollow ground and is basically a farce. And like this excerpt states, emotional cheating is even harder to come back from, so she is woefully wrong to think how solid and good her relationship is. Given her grand state of self delusion though, she will probably live out her life this way no problem, which means the real person who should realize this and get out is the boyfriend she cheated on.
In the end, this wasn't a musing of mine so much as a rant, but what I am musing about is that everyone should accept that emotional cheating is just as real as physical cheating is. Then, like the excerpt says, have the decency of breaking up with current partners first. In my experience, neither cheating party was decent enough to do this, but what makes her so detestable as a person still is:
She never acknowledged that it was cheating
She spread false rumors about me afterwards
She tried to turn mutual friends against me
She hasn't gained the slightest bit of maturity enough to be sorry and take responsibility for her actions which is why years later I still have to hear about how 'not sorry' she is.
So if I'm going to properly muse, there can be life in a relationship after cheating. People who cheat are not condemned for life IF they can acknowledge what they did and be truly sorry for it. We all make mistakes, but it's how you handle those mistakes that show who you are as a person. At the very least, if you're maturing and growing as a person (which tends to happens after 5 freakin years), you should be able to look back at things as see them more clearly, more objectively, more honestly. The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. The sooner you start this process the better, so be an adult and mature already.
07 April 2013
on my own
my musing for today:
Today is a day a firsts. I didn't get into it on social media but that's what this is for, right? Today is the first day of my last semester as a teacher in Japan. I am elated. I've known for a long time that teaching is not my calling, but living in Japan was way to fun a ride too get off after one spin. However, seeing too many new faces is always an indicator that my time at a place is coming to an end (not because I'm forced to leave, but because it's when I feel I should). Japan makes a sport out having new faces around with the teacher-swapping they do every April, and having lost my favorite JTE to a nearby high school, I can't wait to make my exit too.
Another first is living on my own starting today. Huh? You thought I already was on my own? Well, of course that can and has meant up until this point that I'm out from under my parent's wings. As independent as we feel in our early twenties, moving out of your parent's house is when you truly become independent. Since moving to Japan, I've been living with my boyfriend and we made our house into a home complete with a faux child in the form of a rabbit, but now it's just me and the bunny. It's been nerve-wracking to think about for sure, but I think in time, I'll come to like aspects of living completely alone that I haven't been able to learn thus so far.
Something I've gained over the years the ability to recognize when God is preparing me for something bigger, something better, or just something else. When I was just a bit younger I really couldn't see the pattern and any changes in my life were very hard on me. Now, as I see the pattern, I don't have to like it but I mentally prepare for it and handle it better.. on my own.
Today is a day a firsts. I didn't get into it on social media but that's what this is for, right? Today is the first day of my last semester as a teacher in Japan. I am elated. I've known for a long time that teaching is not my calling, but living in Japan was way to fun a ride too get off after one spin. However, seeing too many new faces is always an indicator that my time at a place is coming to an end (not because I'm forced to leave, but because it's when I feel I should). Japan makes a sport out having new faces around with the teacher-swapping they do every April, and having lost my favorite JTE to a nearby high school, I can't wait to make my exit too.
Another first is living on my own starting today. Huh? You thought I already was on my own? Well, of course that can and has meant up until this point that I'm out from under my parent's wings. As independent as we feel in our early twenties, moving out of your parent's house is when you truly become independent. Since moving to Japan, I've been living with my boyfriend and we made our house into a home complete with a faux child in the form of a rabbit, but now it's just me and the bunny. It's been nerve-wracking to think about for sure, but I think in time, I'll come to like aspects of living completely alone that I haven't been able to learn thus so far.
Something I've gained over the years the ability to recognize when God is preparing me for something bigger, something better, or just something else. When I was just a bit younger I really couldn't see the pattern and any changes in my life were very hard on me. Now, as I see the pattern, I don't have to like it but I mentally prepare for it and handle it better.. on my own.
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