You always hurt the one you love
the one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweet rose
and crush it till the petals fall
You always break the kindest heart
with a hasty word you can't recall
So if I broke your heart last night
it's because I love you most of all
25 October 2014
05 July 2014
riddle me this.
my musing for today:
Anxiety. I has it. (UGH)
It's something I was in denial about for a long time. I come from a long line of worriers and I know that being worried has a large part to do with preparation for whatever you're worried about and acceptance that whatever is going to happen will happen, end of story. I told myself I wasn't a worrier and tried to do those two things as much as possible. So why was I still short of breath when thinking about certain situations or tasks? Or unable to sleep half the night, sometimes with pain in my chest?
OH! Anxiety? I hear people get this too, but isn't that just a dysphemism for worry? Why, yes it is.
I try to rationalize my anxiety away, but in the end I think it's a control issue thing (did I mention I'm a control freak too?). So when there is a circumstance that I am well-prepared in all aspects, any unknown factor can still send me spiraling. It's terrible thing and I've resorted to medication to help me sleep on nights that I really, really need to get a good night's rest.
In the past year and a half or so I've also only just noticed that I can get this way over social situations too. Oh good, now social anxiety too! A new group of people, or seeing someone with whom I have negative history, or even just someone who's going that I'm not excited about hanging out with leaves me riddled with anxiety.
I was inspired to finally write this down because I'm coming down off an anxiety high right now (oh, these are not the fun kind). I canceled a date with the excuse in my mind of having too much else to do - which is actually a legitimate excuse at the moment - but honestly, the things I have to do could wait one more day. I even tried to rationalize how this could be useful to me, but I couldn't get over the unease I had with the situation.
Besides, last week I put myself in a social situation that caused me anxiety beforehand and still went, so forcing myself to go out on one such occasion per month is a good enough quota to fill, right?
Anxiety. I has it. (UGH)
It's something I was in denial about for a long time. I come from a long line of worriers and I know that being worried has a large part to do with preparation for whatever you're worried about and acceptance that whatever is going to happen will happen, end of story. I told myself I wasn't a worrier and tried to do those two things as much as possible. So why was I still short of breath when thinking about certain situations or tasks? Or unable to sleep half the night, sometimes with pain in my chest?
OH! Anxiety? I hear people get this too, but isn't that just a dysphemism for worry? Why, yes it is.
I try to rationalize my anxiety away, but in the end I think it's a control issue thing (did I mention I'm a control freak too?). So when there is a circumstance that I am well-prepared in all aspects, any unknown factor can still send me spiraling. It's terrible thing and I've resorted to medication to help me sleep on nights that I really, really need to get a good night's rest.
In the past year and a half or so I've also only just noticed that I can get this way over social situations too. Oh good, now social anxiety too! A new group of people, or seeing someone with whom I have negative history, or even just someone who's going that I'm not excited about hanging out with leaves me riddled with anxiety.
I was inspired to finally write this down because I'm coming down off an anxiety high right now (oh, these are not the fun kind). I canceled a date with the excuse in my mind of having too much else to do - which is actually a legitimate excuse at the moment - but honestly, the things I have to do could wait one more day. I even tried to rationalize how this could be useful to me, but I couldn't get over the unease I had with the situation.
Besides, last week I put myself in a social situation that caused me anxiety beforehand and still went, so forcing myself to go out on one such occasion per month is a good enough quota to fill, right?
04 June 2014
check it out!
I took advantage of a Shutterfly Photo book deal and my fellow photographer friend had the good idea to use it as an opportunity to create a portfolio. I decided I had enough material to just focus on Japan, so here you have it!
Click here to view this photo book larger
Turn your favorite photos into a photo book at Shutterfly.com.
02 May 2014
I get it now
My musing for today:
Not everyone thinks like you do. Duh, right? So how come I've been incredibly frustrated trying to get certain individuals to understand what I'm on about or trying to convey. I'd venture to say I have a strong command over the English language, a proclivity for concise, accurate word choices, am able to come up with good metaphors, and yet, there are still miscommunications.
I get it now.
It doesn't matter how logical my argument is or how well I'm able to communicate it if we don't think the same way. I used to think this was a difference in priorities, but that's not always the case. Sometime, what occurs to me just doesn't even occur to someone else. They didn't actively place this thing lower on their priority list, it just didn't even occur to them to place it where you have it.
And by no means is this an easy thing to accept when YOU are the priority they neglect to place.
It's sobering. It's also difficult to re-train your mind to not place them at such a level that only serves to remain frustrating for you when not reciprocated. Don't get me wrong, this isn't re-training done out of spite, but you do have to protect your own peace of mind if constantly putting someone's feelings at a priority level that they don't reciprocate upsets you. If it doesn't bother you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, good on you, and I genuinely wish I could be that way. Maybe one day.
For now though, I get it. Finally get it.
Not everyone thinks like you do. Duh, right? So how come I've been incredibly frustrated trying to get certain individuals to understand what I'm on about or trying to convey. I'd venture to say I have a strong command over the English language, a proclivity for concise, accurate word choices, am able to come up with good metaphors, and yet, there are still miscommunications.
I get it now.
It doesn't matter how logical my argument is or how well I'm able to communicate it if we don't think the same way. I used to think this was a difference in priorities, but that's not always the case. Sometime, what occurs to me just doesn't even occur to someone else. They didn't actively place this thing lower on their priority list, it just didn't even occur to them to place it where you have it.
And by no means is this an easy thing to accept when YOU are the priority they neglect to place.
It's sobering. It's also difficult to re-train your mind to not place them at such a level that only serves to remain frustrating for you when not reciprocated. Don't get me wrong, this isn't re-training done out of spite, but you do have to protect your own peace of mind if constantly putting someone's feelings at a priority level that they don't reciprocate upsets you. If it doesn't bother you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, good on you, and I genuinely wish I could be that way. Maybe one day.
For now though, I get it. Finally get it.
13 April 2014
just 'cause
my musing for today:
I've noticed that any version of Pachalbel's 'Canon in D' can make me cry. Why is that? I start to imagine my wedding day and how beautiful everything will be and most importantly how happy I will be. After a whole day of laughter and smiles while getting ready to walk down the aisle, when I hear this song start, it'll be my personal reminder to take a moment to realize the significance of the day.
And I'll have cried all the times before when I heard it so as not to cry then.
Itsuka. Someday.
I've noticed that any version of Pachalbel's 'Canon in D' can make me cry. Why is that? I start to imagine my wedding day and how beautiful everything will be and most importantly how happy I will be. After a whole day of laughter and smiles while getting ready to walk down the aisle, when I hear this song start, it'll be my personal reminder to take a moment to realize the significance of the day.
And I'll have cried all the times before when I heard it so as not to cry then.
Itsuka. Someday.
13 February 2014
breathe in, breathe out
There was a tiny spark of hope the other day.
I was told by someone other than my family and friends how far I can go. This may not sound like much until I do something, but that kind of encouragement from strangers is affirming.
Later my dad was also making sense when he said that what I'm going through now seems hard but it will pass. When it does I'll look back and like most things in life, it will seem so easy once it's done.
But the truth that remains is that no one can do it for me. Somehow I have to keep going.
I was told by someone other than my family and friends how far I can go. This may not sound like much until I do something, but that kind of encouragement from strangers is affirming.
Later my dad was also making sense when he said that what I'm going through now seems hard but it will pass. When it does I'll look back and like most things in life, it will seem so easy once it's done.
But the truth that remains is that no one can do it for me. Somehow I have to keep going.
16 December 2013
tardy *wink*
my musing for today:
Would you want the ability to stop time or time travel? I don't know about all the stipulations placed on either, but it seems like the obvious choice would be to time travel because you get the best of both worlds. Even if you can't stop time, you can let things play out and if you don't like the outcome, then go back and change them. At the very least you can change whatever actions you had that led to the outcome you didn't like and hope that influences a change in those around you. But humoring the notion that you would choose stopping time instead of time traveling, you could always freeze situations and manipulate them in a way to benefit yourself. Handy because no matter how many times you travel back in time, that doesn't help you slip by peoples unawares or pull some epic pranks.
Hmm, maybe I'm not so sure anymore about which ability I'd choose...
What are your thoughts? Anything I haven't considered?
Would you want the ability to stop time or time travel? I don't know about all the stipulations placed on either, but it seems like the obvious choice would be to time travel because you get the best of both worlds. Even if you can't stop time, you can let things play out and if you don't like the outcome, then go back and change them. At the very least you can change whatever actions you had that led to the outcome you didn't like and hope that influences a change in those around you. But humoring the notion that you would choose stopping time instead of time traveling, you could always freeze situations and manipulate them in a way to benefit yourself. Handy because no matter how many times you travel back in time, that doesn't help you slip by peoples unawares or pull some epic pranks.
Hmm, maybe I'm not so sure anymore about which ability I'd choose...
What are your thoughts? Anything I haven't considered?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)