accomplishments.

I recently had an epiphany.

To put this in context, I have the ability (either to my benefit or my detriment) to be able to associate similar situations from the present to ones in the past as soon as it happens. With my analytical nature, this leads to me see these past situations in a whole new light taking into account new information and experiences that I've learned from along the way.

A friend of mine made a innocent comment the other day that was negative in nature towards one of my current goals. Something that made my goal seem less important and trivial. I took it in stride but it made me realize the intent behind similar actions that took place a year ago.

My so-called friend at the time would constantly say what a joke my Masters program is and that she would never join it. Sadly, at the time I agreed with her and justified my participation based on my circumstances. However looking back and knowing what I know now, she was jealous (of way more than just my studies, but that's besides the point).There is a small population of graduate students at FIU who have a TAship. I'm one of them. There isn't a large percentage of the general population that can say they had their M.A. degree when they were only 24. I will. I don't say these things to boast, because I am extremely grateful and aware of how blessed I am. However, people who aren't happy with themselves will always try to bring others down to feel better about themselves.

That's the real point of this blog entry. To be proud of you.
To stand up for yourself and your beliefs. To never let someone belittle your dreams, your goals, your ideals, your morals, your choices, or your appearance.
If they do, don't be afraid to speak up. Be tactful, not insulting, but say what you need to say.

Also, don't be afraid to celebrate you. It's always nice when people want to celebrate or congratulate you for achievements and on special occasions, but if you want to go above and beyond, go for it. Whatever the occasion, if you want to celebrate it, you should. There's a SATC episode where one the girls is getting married for a second time and feels it to be inappropriate to make a big deal out of it. Her friends tells her she's being ridiculous to feel that way about her happy situation. I'll be graduating for a second time this month and I felt the same way at first about making a big to-do over another graduation ceremony, but I got over that when I saw that episode again. I've already been making preparations and in less than a month I'll be celebrating this achievement exactly as I want - with family, friends, food, drinks, new outfits, hair and make-up appointments, pictures, and a cruise I've wanted to go on for a loooong time now. Can you tell I'm excited? D-mn straight I am and I've earned it! Woo hoo!!!

Thank you to those who have always encouraged, supported, and openly stated how happy for and proud of me they are. I'm starting to realized these are the only people that matter. 

This is going to be my on my grad cruise! Be jealous on your own!

a work in progress

Things Every Single Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down

I am the queen of independence, ask anyone, I do a lot on my own, and I commend myself for being pretty darn strong. Every woman should be able to stand on her own two feet before she can stand with someone, experience life as an individual before becoming a couple, just learning you, and building that complex personality…In my opinion at least.


Article by Shallon Lester, originally posted here.
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To Build Your Confidence…
1. Go to a movie alone.
2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb.
3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don’t already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle.
4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase.
5. Live alone, or at least move apartments in NYC without the help of family.
6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.
7. Go to a scary doctor’s appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I had balls of steel.
8. Quit your job. It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood).
9. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. I was nervous on my first solo trip to Europe, even though I almost always have to travel alone.
10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you’re not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It did wonders for me.)

To Be Able to Look Back and Say “I Had Fun”…
11. Witness something once-in-a-lifetime, like Jokulsarlon, a lake next to a melting glacier in Iceland (see photo).
12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I’m pretty sure no man will be able to stand as much Bravo TV as my roommate Erica.
13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. 
14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.
15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.
16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

To Get Perspective…
17. Be a good wingwoman. It’s not always about you.
18. Chill with your widowed and single grandma. She knows “alone”!
19. Volunteer.

To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…
20. Do at least one Valentine’s Day alone.
21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.
22. Date the creeps. You’ll really value the nice guys afterward.

To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…
23. Buy yourself some flowers.
24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos.
25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.
26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

To Make the Most of Your Free Time…
27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I did, and it would’ve been tough dragging a guy up to isolated New Hampshire and making him sit there in the cold for two years while I studied (and partied).
28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language. You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college.

To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…
29. Make a list of all your faults.
30. Learn to cook well. I’m still working on this.
31. Get some hobbies. Something’s gotta keep you occupied—plus it’ll make you seem interesting.
32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. My dear friend Cheryl has caught a few doozies.
33. Get your finances in order.

To Appreciate Being Single…
34. Babysit someone’s baby for an hour.
35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.
36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other.

a picture says it better: series 1

relief.

I'm not in yet, but at least I can say I got this far which is a huge relief to me. I'm talking about the JET Program application process. Everyone I know believes I have this in the bag, but I've seen people just as qualified as I am not make it in. And so, I had the most nerve wracking experience on Wednesday night as I was out to dinner for my mom's bday. Next to me, my boyfriend exclaimed, "I got an email from the consulate... I have an interview!!" Needless to say I grabbed my phone and forgot to breathe as my mailbox is refreshing.

I didn't get an email.

He's looks at the screen and back at me in mingled shock and horror while everyone else around the table is waiting to hear whether or not I have an interview as well.

Realization setting in, some says, "check the website!" so I did.

The website must have been updated in the past 24 hours because I had been checking every day and had not been presented with this new PDF file labeled 'Interview Applicants.' This file had hundred of numbers. We were issued applicant ID numbers for just this occasion, but I had written mine down on a paper that was currently in a drawer at home...

Just then my previous stroke of genius came back to me. I had taken a picture of that paper on my phone as a convenient way to always have it with me.

SUCCESS!! I started breathing again and smiled as a way to silently pass on the good news to those around me.

Suddenly I wanted to tell all my well-wishers and those who had helped me with the grueling application. I promptly told all those I had easy access to the good news and felt very blessed at that moment to have so many people to tell... 

One of my mom's friends actually told me not to share the news so openly because then those who don't wish me well know as well and put that out into the universe. I was barely able to contain my excitement though so I've already alluded to it in other ways that might let the haters know, but whatever.

Inwardly though I was still a bit concerned that I hadn't received an email confirmation of my interview like my boyfriend had....I triple checked every part of the application before I sent it. Could they had entered my email address wrong?

A few days later, my fears were settled and question answered. I received a call from the Consulate to discuss my preferred interview date and time. Something went wrong with my professional email (not sure on who's end), but just asked them to use my personal email from then on instead.

Interview prep - Start!!

the beginning of the end.

I've already elaborated on how this year is the start of something new, but conversely it's kind of the beginning of the end of for a lot of things also. But it's ok, I'm learning to embrace change. I used to be a person that was reluctant to let go of anything, good or bad. I've learned though that some things mean more when they they are left in a certain time and place in my heart instead of being dragged into something new. I guess this is part of the true meaning of ichi go, ichi e 一期一絵, a Japanese proverb meaning 'one chance, one opportunity.' Maybe this is why I've always been attracted to photography, even back in the day when it was with disposable cameras ones...

A picture captures a moment in time and everything about that moment holds true because regardless of where you are in life, when you look back at the photo, what was true to you then is still there looking back at you. In a seemingly paradoxical fashion, this is the reason why I delete photos that no longer hold meaning to me. Looking at those photographs might remind me of how naive I was or make me feel like the people in those photographs lied to me with things that I know now. It's all very strange to some people who can separate the photo from their current reality even if it has indeed changed. I don't like to dawdle on these things so I simply "alter my memories" and delete those moments of time that I once captured from sharing space with the truly special ones that dwell in my heart and mind. That's the idea anyway, because in reality I have an impeccable, photographic memory. Well, that was some insight into my logic. Twisted? Maybe. Wrong? Not so much. Sorry if that was confusing. I warned you that my random thoughts would be arbitrarily dispensed in here.

Speaking of ichi go ichi e, one of the reasons the Japanese love sakura and hanami is because the short window of time that they are in bloom reminds us of the impermanence of life. Believe it or not, we even have the smallest of hanami in Miami. Some of the fledgling sakura have bloomed at the Japanese Morikami museum and garden where I'm currently doing an internship. The window is short, but I was able to capture them for all time.

一期一絵

One Chance, One Opportunity

to end the year.

I want to see beauty in all things, that is what I strive to do

I started a blog this year and have succeeded in making in an outlet for my thoughts - go me! - so I just wanted to add one more post before the year is up. I don't know how to feel about this year. Most people are ready for the year to be over to get a chance to start fresh again. I definitely want to start fresh and made necessary steps to ensure that I leave some unpleasant things in 2010, but altogether I mostly remember the fun I had in 2010...

• I went skydiving!
• had my two closest Japanese friends visit me
• finally went to Ultra Music Festival and loved it!
• lived the life a New York City girl while spending time with my brother who I hardly get to see
• went to the legendary Hogwarts!
• met some awesome people I really connected with
• applied to JET (one of my lifelong goals up to this point)
• took the JLPT (one of my goals for 2010)
• was thrown a surprise party by the love of my life
• was surprised by one of my favorite people ever all the way from Japan.
• and last! I finally made a big step towards one of my other lifelong goals - becoming a professional amateur photographer (taking pictures of overturned lawn chairs and such, haha!)

Embedded are some of my favorites shots that I took the other day when I was just trying to figure out the settings of my awesome new red camera. In reality, I know nothing about the subject of photography but have been told that I have a natural talent and a good eye so I want to nurture that since I already know I can be great at anything I put my mind to.

At midnight tonight I'll be shouting 'Happy New Year!' and thus starting what I see as the next chapter in my life. I will (finally) be done with schooling for the first time in my life and will get my first full-time job. I'll be moving out of my house and have my own place (doubly exciting and scary is that it will be in Japan!). I'm going to sell the first car I ever had which will be hard. I'll be away from family and friends on holidays for the first time ever which will also be hard. I'm going to travel to new and exciting places and hopefully take that Eastern Caribbean cruise I've always wanted to take! I'm going to see three of my favorite performers in concert and am SO excited for all three of them. I have a condition and if that condition is met, I'll be getting a tattoo. I've also decided to, for the first time, do a serious diet and exercise regime. I know my boyfriend and some friends say I have the "perfect body", but I don't agree since we all have things about ourselves we want to improve on. I mostly want to feel healthier - have more energy, look more rested, etc. I'm not going to do anything drastic, but at the moment I'm not doing anything to achieve this so my baby steps will hopefully show results in about 2 months time. Maybe some before and after pics? haha! That a BIG maybe.

Well that's all for now. Another resolution of mine is to blog more. It really lets people know more about me and allows me to see how much I've grown as a person (as well as laugh at my past-self for being such a dork). Plus considering how much I view this year as a turning point for my life, I want to document it as much as possible.

So long 2010, here's to 2011!

long time coming.

Disclaimer: This is all very random.

I know I always want to fast forward time and I'll probably regret it at some point, but not today. There's been a purpose to my prolonging my stay in Miami, but I'm long overdue to get out of here. I have a list of places I want to live and crazy things I want to do, and I've been ready, but just waiting - and as someone told me the other day, "I'm the most impatient person in the world" (we were playing a board game and he was taking for-freakin-ever!). But I didn't take any offense to that since it is quite true...lollygaggers doing there lollygagging business on my time is one of my biggest pet peeves.
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There have been several very real times in my life when things go my way and I know, without a doubt, God is my on my side (although I've been called just the opposite). He has made the silver lining of things well worth the wait at times..like how there's at least one person out there I would like thank for their vandalizing ways. (maybe that does make me a little devilish, hehe. ah well)
A couple of months ago I learned one of my favorite bands was touring their new album. They weren't coming to Miami, but I was already trying to find a way to go see them in Atlanta or New York. But one of my closest Japanese friends was finally coming to Miami so I couldn't go. Then on the day they performed, they posted a picture on facebook and I commented "I should've been there! Please come to Florida!" Next time I check out their page, they had announced new tour dates and were coming as close as Ft. Lauderdale! With the quickness, I bought tickets! Thank you Jesus and Jimmy Eat World

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I've been really grateful lately for the leaps and bounds I've made in a relationship that I thought I had ruined forever. I was never bitter towards this person, just hurt (which is why I think they came around) and it took a little more than a year, but it seems we've moved on. I plan on being in Japan next year, so it really would've disturbed me to have left on bad terms. On that same note, another awkward situation is following me despite my leaving it alone. This is another relationship that took a big hit and although I thought we agreed to disagree, this person is proving to be bipolar. I was ignored for months and then a text with, "I miss u" on a random Tuesday morning shows up. What?!! I don't even want to acknowledge the situation I've been so hurt and confused, but I'm not heartless. I know there are those who revel in the pain they've caused others, but I feel terrible when my actions hurt others, but in this case I don't know what to do...

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It's that time again. Every couple of months, I get restless and want to change up my look a bit. Nothing as drastic as last year when I chopped off my hair (but I'm glad and I can say that I've done that once in my life). Maybe throw I'll throw in some crazy color as a last rebellious act before I have to be professional for the Japanese workforce. I saw an ad in a magazine that I liked but I always have second thoughts once I'm in the salon, hehe. If I actually go through with it, I'll post a pic of the ad and of me with the look. Along with the idea of changing up my look, one of my New Year's resolutions was to become comfortable with the idea of getting a tattoo. I feel like a tattoo shouldn't be a flippant decision, first time getting one or not. It shouldn't happen as an act of rebellion or something to be different for the sake of being different or even for a friend who thinks it'd be some kind of sign of our friendship. That being said, I met a Japanese tattoo artist while having green tea one day during my Brooklyn getaway and I got a really good vibe from him. I felt like he was a friend and we were just catching up over some tea. I told him how I wasn't going to get one till I was ready and he applauded me for making a responsible decision and respecting the act of getting a tattoo. I've checked out his website and am happy that if I do decide to do this it'll be in one of my favorite cities, with a Japanese artist, and with someone I didn't just meet on the spot.


Well I suppose that's enough of my musings for now.