~~
You know that saying, ''experience is a hard teacher cause she gives the test first and the lesson after''? Soooo true. This has been one of the hardest times of my life (not the hardest by a long shot though). The problem is simple - lack of experience. Another truism that is said about experiences is that it is invaluable. Money can't buy you experience. Work experience, love experience, life experience, etc. Learning from people who have this kind of experience may help you, but until you endure yourself, you have no idea. That's why when you're immature and/or naive, you tend to think you know it all and judge situations based on your own impressions. The worse thing that can be done beyond this is to actually act or speak based on such judgments and ill-conceived notions. When you've actually been in the other person's shoes (meaning, experienced it yourself) is when your input becomes worth any real value.
In my short time on earth I've had complete turnarounds in my way of thinking after experiencing something firsthand. I think this has made me more sympathetic and definitely more empathetic. Before I had my heart broken, how could I really relate to all of those romance movies where people do crazy things in the name of love? After I dealt with a mean girl first hand, I realized the value of loyalty in friends. Of course, the pitfall to experience is to not let it jade you, which is definitely something I struggle with. When you don't have the experience and try to help, I think the best thing you can do is try to be a voice of reason but otherwise be supportive and not critical.
~~
Confidence -> Arrogance --> Conceit --> Superiority --> Delusion --> Imposing --> Annoying
This is a pattern I'm seeing a little too often these days. I've also noticed that the later in life you develop the first in the pattern, the more likely the rest will follow. Everyone is guilty of all of these at some point but hopefully you get over it before it becomes a problem.
I've been quite confident most of my life. My volleyball coach in high school told me I have a quiet confidence and that I lead by example. I've always remembered that expression ''a quiet confidence'' and have regarded it as a compliment. A related comment that my friend more recently told me is that I'm headstrong. This is somewhat different than stubborn (which I also am) but was meant more in the sense that I go after what I want till I get it. I would call it tenacity. I feel like I do these things with my quiet confidence that I have had since I can remember. This confidence tells me that I can do it. Of course, there are other ways in which I am confident but at they same time shy. Overall though, I don' have a problem with believing in myself and knowing what I'm capable of. (what I want to do is another story, lol)
All that being said, I have witnessed people recently becoming more confident. For some of these people, they have used that to better themselves while others have used it to literally exclaim their perceived greatness and use as a license to be rude and offensive. Watching these transformations has been like watching a caterpillar turn into butterfly on a high-speed film or watching a slow-motion car wreck.
In this pattern, the characteristics are only separated by a thin veil. Once you become confident, it's easy to become arrogant, and with a compliment here and there become conceited etc. Stating anything outright about yourself unprovoked is a clear sign that you are seeking validation from other people about that thing. Until someone tells you you're confident/intelligent/beautiful/talented, don't go proclaiming it. You can believe it, sure, that's being self-confident, but to proclaim it takes away from it.
The point of no return for most is delusion. Someone who is delusional is a scary thing. Suddenly their actions become justified due to their beliefs. Talking to a delusional person is basically a waste of time. They sincerely believe they are correct in all their wrongness and become insulted when your opinions differ from theirs. At the very least, accepting a difference of opinion can still allow ones to be friends but once the next stage is reached, imposing, the friendship is strained. Telling someone what to do based on your opinions gets old - fast. Insulting friends based on your opinions is the lowest act. Finally, you become the subject of avoidance because you are so annoying that your presence is not welcomed. It's a sad state to be in - to be so ''confident'' that you drive other people away with it.
The opposite of confidence is not humility. It's insecurity. So, as a favorite ANTM quote of mine goes, ''eat a big slice of humble pie'' and get over yourself.
~~
It has become very evident to me lately that there are different versions of ''maturing or growing as a person'' Just because time has passed by does not necessarily mean someone has matured or grown at all. A lot of things cause us to grow. Situations, environment change. tragedies.. but regardless of any of this, the lesson in these things can be still be lost on us.
I've been thinking a lot about how to grow from this experience in Japan as an ALT and the ways in which others around me are growing. I don't think I've grown much from this experience at all so far since I've mostly just been trying to comfortably get by. I wonder what the problem is... am I too stuck in my ways? have I not been forced out of my comfort zone enough? or inversely, have I been put too far out of my comfort zone that now I cling to the familiar? do I need to force the change more and accept it at a later time? It's a bit frustrating.. I see other people in my life growing and becoming better people and am genuinely happy for them. I however feel stuck. The past keeps tapping on my shoulder wanting attention and all I want to do is leave it where it is. This makes me feel stuck. Having the same issues pop up over and over because of incompetence. This makes me feel stuck. Even looking the same way I always have makes me feel stuck. Where I have seen different versions is that meanwhile, other people think that they need to inconvenience other people in order to mature and/or accept their ''maturity.''. On a side note, if you don't know this about me, I absolutely detest inconsiderate people.
I remind myself that everyone is on their path. I've always been one to do things at my own pace so this is just another one of those things I guess.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...and all that.
end of mini-rants :)
~~
Confidence -> Arrogance --> Conceit --> Superiority --> Delusion --> Imposing --> Annoying
This is a pattern I'm seeing a little too often these days. I've also noticed that the later in life you develop the first in the pattern, the more likely the rest will follow. Everyone is guilty of all of these at some point but hopefully you get over it before it becomes a problem.
I've been quite confident most of my life. My volleyball coach in high school told me I have a quiet confidence and that I lead by example. I've always remembered that expression ''a quiet confidence'' and have regarded it as a compliment. A related comment that my friend more recently told me is that I'm headstrong. This is somewhat different than stubborn (which I also am) but was meant more in the sense that I go after what I want till I get it. I would call it tenacity. I feel like I do these things with my quiet confidence that I have had since I can remember. This confidence tells me that I can do it. Of course, there are other ways in which I am confident but at they same time shy. Overall though, I don' have a problem with believing in myself and knowing what I'm capable of. (what I want to do is another story, lol)
All that being said, I have witnessed people recently becoming more confident. For some of these people, they have used that to better themselves while others have used it to literally exclaim their perceived greatness and use as a license to be rude and offensive. Watching these transformations has been like watching a caterpillar turn into butterfly on a high-speed film or watching a slow-motion car wreck.
In this pattern, the characteristics are only separated by a thin veil. Once you become confident, it's easy to become arrogant, and with a compliment here and there become conceited etc. Stating anything outright about yourself unprovoked is a clear sign that you are seeking validation from other people about that thing. Until someone tells you you're confident/intelligent/beautiful/talented, don't go proclaiming it. You can believe it, sure, that's being self-confident, but to proclaim it takes away from it.
The point of no return for most is delusion. Someone who is delusional is a scary thing. Suddenly their actions become justified due to their beliefs. Talking to a delusional person is basically a waste of time. They sincerely believe they are correct in all their wrongness and become insulted when your opinions differ from theirs. At the very least, accepting a difference of opinion can still allow ones to be friends but once the next stage is reached, imposing, the friendship is strained. Telling someone what to do based on your opinions gets old - fast. Insulting friends based on your opinions is the lowest act. Finally, you become the subject of avoidance because you are so annoying that your presence is not welcomed. It's a sad state to be in - to be so ''confident'' that you drive other people away with it.
The opposite of confidence is not humility. It's insecurity. So, as a favorite ANTM quote of mine goes, ''eat a big slice of humble pie'' and get over yourself.
~~
It has become very evident to me lately that there are different versions of ''maturing or growing as a person'' Just because time has passed by does not necessarily mean someone has matured or grown at all. A lot of things cause us to grow. Situations, environment change. tragedies.. but regardless of any of this, the lesson in these things can be still be lost on us.
I've been thinking a lot about how to grow from this experience in Japan as an ALT and the ways in which others around me are growing. I don't think I've grown much from this experience at all so far since I've mostly just been trying to comfortably get by. I wonder what the problem is... am I too stuck in my ways? have I not been forced out of my comfort zone enough? or inversely, have I been put too far out of my comfort zone that now I cling to the familiar? do I need to force the change more and accept it at a later time? It's a bit frustrating.. I see other people in my life growing and becoming better people and am genuinely happy for them. I however feel stuck. The past keeps tapping on my shoulder wanting attention and all I want to do is leave it where it is. This makes me feel stuck. Having the same issues pop up over and over because of incompetence. This makes me feel stuck. Even looking the same way I always have makes me feel stuck. Where I have seen different versions is that meanwhile, other people think that they need to inconvenience other people in order to mature and/or accept their ''maturity.''. On a side note, if you don't know this about me, I absolutely detest inconsiderate people.
I remind myself that everyone is on their path. I've always been one to do things at my own pace so this is just another one of those things I guess.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...and all that.
end of mini-rants :)
Everyone has to get situated or accustomed to their new environments in their own way and in their own time and pace.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think you're doing a pretty good job... if not adapting just yet... at least coming to terms with your new life in Japan.
If anything, writing an entry like this takes these thoughts that might be plaguing your mind out of your subconscious... and thus you become more aware of them and it becomes much easier to deal with.
Hope you and Luis continue to adapt nicely in Tanba!